Beer vs. Bear?

Did ye fellows ever discover the true meaning of life? Neither did I. But I and Razgrimm had quite the thrilling discussion ‘bout it last night while traveling towards the wicked castle known as Shadowfang Keep. We came to the conclusion that we did not know the meaning of life, but we knew what we would need to live: beer. So, we took another sip from our canteen, filled with some Thunderbrew, and moved on in laughter. Finally, we arrived at the gates of the cursed keep. The barking of the Worgen, down in the wretched village of Pyrewood filled the cool night air. Razgrimm pulled down his bandit mask in awe, and I sent a quick prayer to the Light, for it should protect our souls from harm. My brother drew his blades, a wicked grin adorning his face. I donned my shield, grabbed my axe, and both of us marched forward. Our eyes were filled with a cocktail of fear and courage, and so we entered the dark keep…
…just not yet! Just before we set foot in Shadowfang Keep, Razgrimm let out a surprised shout.
“Oi! Don’t you think we miss something, brother?!” he said, his voice muffled by the bandit mask.
“Don’t know whadya talking about, Raz. I got me gear, me beer and me devotion to the good in the world” I replied. Seriously, I could not recall anything we missed.
“Duriff! Fizzikz! We miss those two, you dumb Trogg!” That’s when it hit me! Indeed, Duriff and Fizzikz had sent word that they would join us in our adventure. Even though I consider myself quite the good fighter, my brains have as many holes as a good, old Dalaran Sharp. I slapped my own forehead, and grinned.
“Well then, let us wait for ‘em. How long ‘till they get here?”
“Duriff is having dinner with the rest of the Dwarvish Ladies Against Strip Mining League. And Fizzikz told me he is still looking for a gold-alloyed eyeball for some machine. Guess it will take some time before they are here” Razgrimm replied. I sighed and sheathed my weapon. I was just about to grab some ham from me back, when it hit me.
“Razgrimm, remember what we did during summer family meetings?”
“When the sun touched the peaks of Dun Morogh?” he answered.
“Exact! You think it is time for…”
“…Frostbrew Bear Wrestling!”

Now, the average Human or Elf does not know what Frostbrew Bear Wrestling is, but as I am quite the nice Dwarf, I will explain to you. The necessary equipment for participating in Frostbrew Bear Wrestling is equal to nothing but your undies (and your family or guild crest). Also, you need some bears roaming around to hunt. The participants set out to hunt those bears, and wrestle them into submission with their bare, naked hands! It is a game of wit, strength and quite some courage (or quite some foolishness – Fizzikz). Those who can bring the most bear claws to the judge after a set amount of time, win the Frostbrew Bear Wrestling and receive some kind of prize (most of the time, that “prize” is a visit at the local medic – Razgrimm).



Now, it should be obvious that we lacked a few things: more participants and a judge. We didn’t worry about prizes now: we just did it for the heck
of it! Razgrimm and I decided to do it all without additional participants, as the local population of Pyrewood Village did not seem to like our “invitation” to the event. And about the judge: we just ignored that part of the game. So we just went out into Silverpine Forest, and stalked the quite tough bears. Razgrimm, as a devoted thief, knew which position he preferred when fighting a bear. Just to give you a hint: it is NOT the position that could be mauled by some huge teeth.
After an hour of hunting and getting clawed by teddies, we decided to call it quits and tend our wounds. But first we had to find out who won the Frostbrew Bear Wrestling! As both of us killed an equal amount of bears, we had to do it the old way: a box fight! Atop of the bridge of Shadowfang Keep, Razgrimm and I battled like true heroes: no weapons, no armor, no “nifty tricks”. It was an epic battle, something even the heroes of our past would have considered “damn awesome”. But in the end, the Light was victorious. As I boasted about my victory, me brother already bandaged his wounds, and watched as Duriff and Fizzikz arrived at the Keep. Both of them looked quite shocked at two half-naked, mauled Dwarves. Razgrimm and I looked at each other, and laughed together as only brothers could. We almost forgot about our planned attack on Shadowfang Keep, was it not for the annoying voice of Fizzikz to remind us.

As we donned our armor and walked towards the keep’s gates, I kept looking down up the walls. Did something move up their? I certainly felt an evil presence behind those walls. Would this be the chance for the Undersized Heroes to prove their worth? Well, you can find out! Come back later, to read more about our adventures in Shadowfang Keep!

May the Light be with you,

Mugrimm.